:: New Progressive Politics ::

:: Saturday, December 20, 2003 ::

SEX WITHOUT PENETRATION: Some observations about Girl Love, Hip Bisexuality, Erotic Networking & the Sensual Libertarian Movement in NYC

A "Sensual Movement" of erotic libertarianism celebrating girl power and girl love is being fueled by a cadre of female social entrepreneurs, sensual and erotic artistes. From the Burly Q Performance Artists of Williamsburg & the Lower East Side to female owned Erotic themed event companies, Sex as Art is all the rage in New York Nightlife circles. Seemingly everyone fancies themselves as a sensual artiste or expert. Venue owners rather than distancing themselves from "nouveau sensualistes" are quite eager to serve as host venues. Recently opened Crobar is a perfect example of an attempt to meld the performance art aspects of Burlesque with the glitz and glamor and risque attributes of the erotic set.

Sex as Art form is a cultural phenomenon. I was recently introduced by New York's infamous sex kitten Belladonna to Joe Gallant, a musician and AVN Award winning Independent Adult Filmmaker or "pornotreprenuer" who has taught at the Learning Annex and featured in New York Magazine . Joe and I discussed "Sex as Art form" cultural phenomenon. Joe is highly heterosexual and definitely not a member of the he man woman haters club but nevertheless very much also a modern social critic with a unique vantage point of the sexual scene in New York City. "I love women.....and I also like them alot. I respect them, their minds and their formidable hearts so I feel perfectly comfortable calling them on some of their newly agenda'd posturings. But there is alot of Vassar Sex with a Veneer of Hipster Edginess that is all part of this post feminist Pseudo Lesbian Chic.

"The current NYC Sex Events are alot like a Phish Concert. Part of the reason the new "Sexutantes are so VERY eager to be all' bitchin' in nicely-publicized clean upscale environs is due to the likes of $$ex & the City, writers like Amy Sohn (a nice brooklyn girl who fabricates her jaded, men-can't-satisfy-me-though-they-try posturings), the lez-mafia machine at toys in babeland, etc. It says alot about the safely iconic distancing of this era, when virtually every woman of a certain age and societal rank in this matrix-green radar-cooked shark tank we call contemporary culture desperately wants to be seen as a BAD GIRL-----14 year old girls wear "pornstar" rhinestone t-shirts in malls, Britney and ol' Madonna rehearse a corporate-edgy tongue kiss to lay on th' k-mart yokels in TV viewer-land, etc... The current crop of NYC party offerings provide a safe, non-threatening, non-consequential place to get their 5 minutes-of-nipple-lick wings, without fear of it hitting mom & dad's breakfast nook. This collective (entitled? as all louche "sex trend" adherents have been, throughout the ages, never comes from a stridency of spirit, rather from the well-nourished and oh so bored) and latest version of pussy power has its pulsating roots (of course) in media, a reactive (rather than innovative) construct that must prove itself on the very bleeding crest of all movements, seeming or real... What starts out as small like the Grego Loft thing (who is only continuing on a smaller scale the outrageous weekly parties of Neville Chesters (90's porn director) at his midtown loft for the last 10 years) must de facto get "Real Sex" coverage ANON, as field producers fall over themselves to track down that LATEST... "underground"... EDGY... odd, these scenes are never THREATENING."

After spending a year or two observing first hand a genre of the female sponsored and run erotic themed events, his fresh, uniquely male perspective was different. I have to concur with Joe Gallant that modern day New York City is filled with an overabundance of erotic theorists who are creative and talented people that have figured out that the sex industry has room for sex workers who do not actually have sex. Novel concept indeed. Credentials and experience are not required. More often many nouveau sensual artistes rather than having and enjoying real sex privately or working in the sex industry in a true performance capacity and as Joe says, "taking a big hard cock in their ass or mouth like a porno star."

If we accept Joe's premise then it proves but one thing. The sex industry is about the only one not affected by the economic downturn. Arguably, the prolific and exponential growth of erotic themed businesses and sensual art forms is as much a result of otherwise creative and entrepreneurial class of nouveau sensualistes segwaying into this industry because of a lack of employment employment opportunity in other sectors or the urban economy. So of course this new class of sex industry workers needs to rationalize their participation in the industry as art form. Of course, it's not about sex....its about the art of sex. New York Nightlife certainly provides a platform to indulge in unlimited decadence, especially one that combines sex and performance art. The consumer can, however, grow numb from the endless pontification, analysis and promotion of sex as art by self appointed experts and artistes. I almost wish that they would spend more time doing it than discussing it and just shut the fuck up already.

At Joe's invitation, I had the opportunity to meet with him and observe the filming of a porno video in a discrete location in Queens one afternoon. The woman known as Alexa X was clearly there by choice, not even remotely exploited but in fact was fulfilling a fantasy having two men at once, including a first time experience with a Nubian Porn Prince. She seemed to be enjoying the experience so much that the action had to be stopped and she had to be prompted somewhat into acting mode (e.g., "i love that big black cock"..."fuck me harder" etc etc. ) rather than just grunting through her orgasms. It was clear to the naked eye that she was enjoying the experience alot more than the men who seemed to have to really work to maintain their heightened level of arousal and bloodflow to their prodigous endowments, without the necessity of a blood transfusion.

In fairness, the female empowerment/choice undercurrent does give the movement a somewhat spiritual and political or component because it creatively fosters the notion of women as healthy sexual beings while removing the simplistic labels of slut or nympho often associated with women who require a regular and diverse feeding of sexuality. Noteably, it makes sex more palatable on an intellectual and rationale level to the masses. But there is certainly a business and networking component as well.

These "Erotic Networking Parties" are where couples and largely single bisexual women can meet other like minded people without having to take random chances on Village Voice, Craigslist or Nerve personal ads, a good chunk of which are actually run on a syndicated Spring Street Networks platform. You have the erotic event organizer as a love or sex broker of sorts, whether it is Onelegupnyc, FlirtNYC, CAKE or Skin Party etc "Artisfying" their events to give them a sexy female oriented vibe. So let me see if you wear a mask, play with another couple or get fucked by two men at the same time...its now an art form but not a swing party or about sex?

As one would imagine there is plenty of cross pollination of people who go tour all the different events looking for that perfect couple or gal, but there is also some inherent postulating as to who has the hippest, most upscale erotic events in NYC. Right now for example, it may not be the "most hip" because their is no "face" of FlirtNYC, but I would have to say that FlirtNYC on some level is continually attracting the most affluent of the sensual and erotic crowd and clearly the most open to the bisexual community.

The success and exclusivity of of FLIRT stems from the fact that the privacy of those involved and participating is a little bit more guarded with FLIRT than with say CAKE (which has sort of become the "McDonald's" of the Erotic themed businesses and the easiest to gain access to for the masses) or Onelegupnyc which is on some level a promotional vehicle for the Goddess Artiste known as Palagia who is the face of Onelegupnyc. You also have Gregos-NYC who is known for his discrete and private invitation only after parties at his Brooklyn loft.

The privacy aspect is critical perhaps because of FLIRT'S clientele which is clearly quite affluent, urban as well as suburban. That much I can verify. You may see your doctor, lawyer or newscaster at one of these events. There is also an underground Eyes Wide Shut network of sensualists who also happen to be movers and shakers in the business and professional community throughout the northeast corridor. Share your wife and make a business contact right?

An undercurrent of competition exists between those who are vying to be perceived as the "High Priestess of New York Sensual & Erotic Life." But I certainly would not call it a "cat fight." Who deserves that title anyway? Is it the manicured & tailored to be palatable to the Upper East & West Side Madison Avenueized "Pussy Power" espoused by the likes of self annointed Goddesses like Mama Gena (who ironically is not quite so popular with a number of women have worked with her and moved on, see "Mama See Ya, It's mutiny among the Sister Goddesses at Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts" ), Palagia or ....some of Dominatrices sich as Mistress Evita and Troy Morgan On some level the BDSM community was in the sensual performance art business first. The BDSM crowd which is not about "sex" but rather role play, styling and performance etc. BDSM is just not as socially acceptable or everyone's cup of tea. It is alot easier for people to admit they want an extra girl in the bedroom than admit and embrace that they want to be whipped, flogged or humiliated by a domineering alpha goddess. As has been well documented, BDSM and the work or art of a dominatrix does not involve actual sex and in most cases not even actual nudity but is the original erotic performance art without penetration. The dominance and submission lifestyle is largely a voyage of the mind with specific fetish imagery, much like a fashion show. The Baroness is a perfect example of this. This is not sex but rather role play, styling and performance art etc.

Artsifying the "sensual libertarian movement" certainly makes it more hip and palatable to a wider audience and takes away focus from the fact that these events are primarily on some level offline, "Swingers Networking Events." None of the upscale sensual or erotic themed event businesss want that label associated with their business because it demystifies it and perhaps afixes a 1960's Bob, Carol, Ted & Alice label to their movement. I think what is most uncomfortable about that label is that prior swing movements were more about the male gaining access to permitted extracurricular sex in the context of a married or committed relationship or persuading his woman to explore her bisexual side. The present one is more about the female choosing to explore her bisexual side as well as gaining permissible bi and hetrosexual liasons in the context of a semi committed relationship. Men go along for the ride because there are some significant incidental benefits to be derived from being in a relationship with a woman who is evolved, in control of and enjoying her sexuality. On the other hand ask a friend of mine who's wife left him for a woman when she realized she preferred intimacy with a female to a man and maybe some men might not be so quick to embrace this free lifestyle. Perhaps its an acceptance of the simple fact that women generally are capable of more frequent, constant, sexual exchanges than are men. Perhaps it is artistic and spirtual because this movement contributes on some level to an erosion of Victorian era value judgements and double standards about women as sexual beings which on some level remain even today.

By bringing an artistic flavor to the female erotic libertarian movement it may make it easier to cast the net wider, gain greater access to and acceptability by a greater percentage of the population who do not necessarily see themselves as swingers but rather as merely sexually liberated or enlightened. Afterall, that is how many people would like to have themselves perceived.

An observation, however, is that why the double standards within the "movement"? The emphasis is on increasing choice, reducing judgment and eliminating double standards thereby providing a supportive forum for women to celebrate their status as sexual beings as well as more freedom to celebrate pleasure. Thus then why the mixed messages, judgment and morality plays against those who are a bit more sexual and less artistic with their sex? Why if there is sex, swinging, and partner exchanging are these aspects played down when it is a huge focus of what is transpiring at these events? Further, why the relative distinctions between "Sensualists" "Nouveau Sensual Artistes" or "Performance Artists" and those in the erotic world, porno or BDSM biz. If that model is truly premised on female empowerment via these "artforms" then why all the value judgments. Swingings, female burlesque revue, BDSM, Porn etc are all a form of sensual or erotic libertarianism? Everyone has a different comfort level with each. That is all fine and good but why the value judgments by the propietors of one art form or a certain aspect of erotic libertarianism vs. another or highlighting how their art form is more pure and otherwise attempt to draw distinctions between their events and others?

Why all the distinctions and disclaimers about the specific sexual elements, including affirmative statements that the events are not a "swingers" event etc. Why cowering from the label. How does Palagia say with a straight face that its not about sex when behind her on HBO's Real Sex a woman is being taken from both ends by different men? Isn't it quite similar to the way Strippers judged Porno Stars or even High Class Escorts before Porno stars became headliners at their clubs? It subsequently chic and perhaps even economically necessary for strippers to dabble in Porno if it meant headlining at a club vs. being a line stripper. So let me see if you wear a mask and get fucked by two men at the same time...its now an art form? Give me a break.

Ask, Joe Gallant who says, "As long as its not "fucking" and female run etc it is sex guised as female performance art but once real fucking is going on or a man is running the show....then for some reason it is no longer art." Ironic that a movement premised on eradicating double standards would employ one as well. The simple reality is more people are having more sex with a variety of people and just not calling it that.

Moreover, in the heterosexual community, this whole bi or bi curious with an edge girl thing seems a bit contrived in many cases. Most of those women are not but aside from playing into the male fantasy and titilating their partners or potential partners its also a way to be perceived as hip and open minded about sex. Girl love is frankly....very cool, for lack of a better phrase, these days.. Further, experimentation does not even get you annointed with the label "bi." Some women have told me that they have had sexual relations with gay or truly bisexual women only to be told...honey, you are straight. My question, if you are female is at what point eating another woman's pussy, massaging or kissing her breasts etc do you actually become bi curious or bisexual? Inquiring minds want to know. It seems for women, you actually have to work at being considered bisexual. On the other hands, if a male does or even contemplates doing so...the label homosexual immediately attaches itself.

My sense is that truly gay or bisexual women are more likely to be regularly found at Gloss Parties at Meow Mix than at a Onelegupnyc Party or some of the other Erotic Event Planning businesses that have risen to capture the energy of this largely heterosexual phenomenon. On the other hand, I do think that there is a large percentage of women in committed relationships who just want sex with someone else other than their spouse or significant other.....and frankly its not as emasculating or threatening to the man for the woman to come home and say "honey, can we play with another girl" rather than, "gee some of your guy pals look cute and well endowed, could you bring them home for them to have an orgy or gang bang with me." Its as if many women have figured out how to circumvent and make an end run around the rules of engagement in committed relationships to get extracurricular sex while not risking or undermining the security of their existing relationships. These female run event models provide the perfect forum for doing so.

Then again, as Dennis Miller says...I could be wrong.

:: Christopher London 4:47 PM [+] ::
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